Video Games (Not the Lana Del Rey Song)

I barely played Resident Evil on the PS1, but it seemed OK. Got a bit bored of it then went back to playing Pro Evolution Soccer, a far superior (but very different!) game. A virus breaks out, people become zombie-like, yada yada yada, the goodies kill them and escape. The End. I'm told the film has not that much to do with the game, but, either way, it's pretty terrible. Makes me wish there was a Pro Evolution Soccer film that I could switch over to.

Resident Evil: Apocalypse is the second film in the series. Saying that it is better than the first film is like saying a slap in the face is better than a punch, but it's true. This time a whole city gets infected. Of course, there's a girl who's immune, a tight timeframe to rescue her, a big fight against a big mutant boss... but, guess what? The heroes escape, and it's left open for another film. Who'd have known.

Silent Hill is a film that suffers from it not being clear what's going on, which can be a real problem for a film. A mum has to go to the titular spooky town to find her escaped (adopted) daughter. There seems to be parallel dimensions within the same town, but it is never explained why. (Not a day goes by when I don't ask myself: 'Why do some people enter one dimension and others another?') Anyway, the mum finds her daughter, so you don't have to worry. Or watch the film. It's very well made, to be fair, but pretty dull. There's a sequel on the way with a worse director. Joy.

DOA: Dead or Alive is based on a straight-up fighting game. The makers decided to not bother adding much of a story, meaning that the film is nothing less than a series of pointless fights featuring some fairly attractive women, often wearing not much clothing. Sounds good? No, this is the kind of film that makes you want to blow your brains out. It really is impossibly bad. At what stage did anybody think this was a good idea? There's so much fighting it just becomes white noise. There's no real humour, no personality, no nothing. Don't watch this film or THEY'VE WON.