Star Wars

Hmm, so now that Disney own the rights to the Star Wars films, there's gonna be a bunch more of them. So join me now as I look back at the six (!) films in the saga so far... JOIN ME!

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Episode I: The Phantom Menace (1999)

It's back! Well, it was. Rather underwhelming, compared to the "original" three films, Star Wars came back with bad child acting, possible racism (Jar Jar Binks) and special effects that now look a little lame. The highlights are the Ben-Hur-style podrace and the face-off between Darth Maul, Obi-Wan Kenobi and Qui-Gon. Not great, but still, it could have been worse...

Rating: 2/5

Episode II: Attack of the Clones (2002)

And by "it could have been worse", I mean it could have been as bad as this. Easily the worst of the series, and starring the terrible Hayden Christensen, the film plods along with little to get excited about until we finally get to see Yoda in action; even that doesn't last for too long as Christopher Lee scarpers during the fight.

Rating: 1/5

Episode III: Revenge of the Sith (2005)

The darkest, and best, of the newer films finally sees Anakin become Darth Vader, though it isn't that interesting a journey thanks to Hayden Christensen's continued wooden acting. It gets the job done as preparation for the proper films to come, at least...

Rating: 2.5/5

Episode IV: A New Hope (1977)

Farm hand Luke Skywalker starts a torrid affair with a young, innocent stable wench... no, wait, wrong film. You've all seen this, you know how good it is.

Rating: 4.5/5

Episode V: The Empire Strikes Back (1980)

Boom! The best of the series, improving on the original, both darker and more epic, and with a better theme tune, this is where shit gets real. And we finally get to see a non-white human in the Star Wars universe.

Rating: 5/5

Episode VI: Return of the Jedi (1983)

Bad pacing and some silly stuff (*cough* Ewoks *cough*) marr an otherwise fine end to the original trilogy as the good guys finally win. Though I don't buy that Anakin/Darth Vader would be so welcomed back so warmly by the spirits of Obi-Wan and Yoda at the end after all the killing and destruction he's done.

Rating: 3.5/5