2011 Music Round-Up

Alela Diane, "Alela Diane & Wild Divine"

This album is a step foward. Because there's like drums on the songs. Or something.

4.5/5

Alice Gold, "Seven Rainbows"

Who is Alice Gold and where did she come from? Nobody knows.

4/5

Claire Maguire, "Light After Dark"

Good singer let down by some poor synth-pop backing and lame lyrics. She is a brummie, though.

2.5/5

Gillian Welch, "The Harrow & The Harvest"

Another excellent album from Gillian and partner Dave Rawlings. That's what you're supposed to say about this. Mainly because it's true.

4.5/5

Jessie J, "Who You Are"

Disappointing album. Nice haircut, though.

2/5

Joan As Police Woman, "The Deep Field"

Is it rock? Pop? Soul? Nobody knows.

4/5

Jolie Holland + The Grand Chandeliers, "Pint of Blood"

What does Jolie Holland sing like when she is drunk? Maybe she sings normally then.

3.5/5

Katy B, "On A Mission"

Good album let down by some of the worst, most cliche-ridden lyrics imaginable.

3/5

Lady Gaga, "Born This Way"

How is Lady Gaga so successful? Nobody knows. A poor man's Ke$ha. Yeah, I said it.

2/5

Laura Cantrell, "Kitty Wells Dresses"

The queen of neoclassical country takes on the queen of country. Or something.

4/5

Laura Marling, "A Creature I Don't Know"

Laura Marling's best album yet. And she's still only 7 years old. Or something.

4.5/5

Lucinda Williams, "Blessed"

Solid if unspectacular album from the undisputed queen of country rock. Or something.

3/5

Nicki Minaj, "Pink Friday"

Disappointing, considering all of the hype. Still better than anything by 50 Cent.

2.5/5

Tiger Woods PGA Tour 12 (Wii)

Platform: Wii

Released: 2011

There's a great new feature on Tiger Woods 12 where you can play as Tiger Woods's (ex-)wife and chase him with a golf club as he attempts to get away from you. The Wii remote really comes into its own on this feature; as you swing it, you can see Tiger's wife swing the club at Tiger's head. It's really good.

Anyway, I know what you're thinking: "Golf sucks ass!" And you're partly right. But if you ever want to get a golf game, this is the one to get. Really.

Rating: 4.5/5

Queen Mother Extended Lunch Break

I remember going to the local newsagent's after the Queen Mother died and that there was a post-it note on the counter saying that the shop would be closed on the day of the Queen Mother's funeral to pay its respects to her. But only between 11:30am and 1:30pm. Which sounds more like an extended lunch break to me. :)

Could Finish

Apropos of nothing, possibly my favourite ever bad taste newspaper headline was one that accompanied a story about the death of Princess Margaret in 2002 saying that the pain from Margaret's death "COULD FINISH OFF THE QUEEN MOTHER"...

The funny thing is that the Queen Mother did indeed die about six weeks later. :(

Call of Duty: Modern Warfare 3

Platform: Wii

I remember when the first Call of Duty game came out, it was in 1953 I think. There was uproar of course, given that WW2 had just finished. People just weren't ready for a game where you go around shooting people.

The graphics were very basic back then, very "blocky". The online play was slow, and some people felt uncomfortable if they had to play as the Nazis. Having to use an old fashioned d-pad with only one button didn't help the gameplay as well.

All that's changed now. The previous [Wii] game in the series, 'Black Ops', made up for a rather straightforward single player campaign with a good story and superb online play including a good range of weapons and pretty good maps that don't play too much into the hands of "campers", the scourge of online FPSs. The graphics weren't great but they were clear; you couldn't blame the graphics for getting killed.

What's first noticeable about 'MW3' is that the graphics are much better than on 'Black Ops'. The single player campaign is still pretty easy though, and unlike on the Wii's other major FPS 'Goldeneye', you can't really choose what tactics to employ when playing the game, it's pretty much all laid out for you, almost like a rail-shooter.

How about the online? There lies the problem with this game. There's now more maps (16 compared to 14 on 'Black Ops' and 8 on 'Goldeneye'), but most of them are too big. The maps themselves are much more complex than on 'Black Ops' (lots more buildings), but this just leads to lots of people camping and not really getting involved in the game properly, especially in the objective game modes, meaning it can be incredibly frustrating to play. The graphics are very good for the Wii, but there's way too many dark places where people hide. Also, the balancing of the teams when playing online is terrible; most games are wildly unbalanced because one team seems to get all the best players, even in the games that don't allow parties. There's a fair range of guns but many of them are useless, and the weapons upgrade/attachments system isn't as simple or effective as on 'Black Ops' or 'Goldeneye'.

Ultimately, this game is decent but much less enjoyable than 'Black Ops'. The single player campaign isn't terrible but not anywhere near as interesting either story-wise or in terms of gameplay, and the same goes for the online multiplayer.

Rating: 3/5

Chris Waddle

There's a story I've heard about former footballer Chris Waddle. Before he made it as a footballer, he drove to a job interview on his bike/scooter.

Arriving at his destination, he went to take his bike helmet off. Except he couldn't, try as he might. So he had to do the job interview with his helmet on.

I don't know if he got the job. :(

Classic Quotes

No. 1: Liam Gallagher

"I'm not silly. I've got 4 GCSEs."

Worst Bands Ever. Fact.

Just so you know where I'm coming from. And so you know if you have a bad taste in music. These are the worst bands ever. FACT.

(1) U2

(2) Coldplay

(3) Kiss

(4) Bon Jovi

(5) Red Hot Chili Peppers

George Pringle: "Salon des Refusés"

Artist: George Pringle

Album: Salon des Refusés

Released: 2009

Have you ever wanted to hear an album that features a young, fairly posh English woman (with a man's name) talking? And not just talking, but talking over simple, repetitive electronic music created on a computer? Featuring lines such as "isn't Buenos Aires fabulous"? An album that's only available as a download, not even released on CD? Of course you haven't, that sounds like it would be terrible!

I used to think like that, I really did. It seemed like the sensible thing to do. But then I heard George Pringle's album! This is a work of insane genius, the most improbably brilliant album of recent times. I don't know how it worked, but it did.

Random Lyrics:

"You don't have to work at HMV, when you write so beautifully"

"I've got no friends, but I speak French"

Best Song: Bonjour Tristesse

Rating: 5/5

The Concept Mixtape

You know you've got too much spare time on your hands when you start considering making concept mixtapes. A normal mixtape just doesn't feel enough. You need to do one where all the songs are about cars (to listen to in the car) or all the songs are from the same year.

Maybe the songs all have violins on them. Maybe all the artists are Swedish. Maybe the songs all begin with a drum intro. Maybe all the singers have beards. Or maybe they're all side-projects.

Sometimes you don't have enough songs to fill up a whole tape. Which means something else, something maybe even more ambitious: the double concept mixtape. One side of songs about travelling, one side of songs about home. One side of male solo artists, one side of females... the possibilities are endless.

Facts of the Day: Jeremy Clarkson

Jeremy Clarkson has been in the news a lot of late, offending everyone with his crazy right wing views. As usual. So here are some essential facts about the man.



(1) Jeremy once beat up a robot to prove man is better than machine.

(2) Jeremy once beat a woman at thumb wrestling to prove men are better than women.

(3) Jeremy once tried to fellate himself but got nowhere near.

(4) Jeremy believes that his God is the right one.

(5) Jeremy thinks that gay people aren't as good at driving as he is.

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