Colin Montgomerie Apologises

In a televised statement, golfer Colin Montgomerie has given a public apology for his "grumpy and surly" behaviour, which he admits sometimes includes swear words. "I know I have disappointed a lot of people," said the Scotsman, dressed in dungarees and a bobble hat. "I am sorry for all I have done.

The statement was Montgomerie's first public appearance since November when he crashed a hovercraft outside his home near to Dundee. The came days after it was reported he publicly shouted at a McDonalds employee after she had mistakenly given him a Happy Meal instead of a Big Mac Meal. Reports then came out that he had also been involved in angry shouting matches with a New York club hostess, an actress and a reality TV star.

"I had tantrums, I swore. What I did was wrong, and I am the only person to blame... Although having people shout 'Mrs Doubtfire' at me all the time is pretty annoying."

Montgomerie's appearance at Keele Golf Club's clubhouse was carefully managed. There was an audience of about 18 hand-picked journalists and family members, as well as locals who drifted in from the cold weather outside. Members of the media were not allowed to ask questions, but locals were allowed to shout abuse at Monty so he could show that it doesn't bother him anymore.

Montgomerie read slowly from a prepared statement. He showed control throughout, occasionally bursting into fits of laughter, especially when talking about the Suez Canal Crisis and his good friend Lionel Blair. After finishing speaking, he embraced his mother and other members of the audience, including Jimmy Tarbuck and Ronnie Corbett. Montgomerie thanked his wife for her support. "As Mrs Monty pointed out to me, my grumpiness will not be solved with my words, but with my behaviour."

Colin Montgomerie, yesterday

Montgomerie also announced that he hoped that Raelism would form part of his path to recovery. "I've lost touch with my Raelian roots," he explained. "I haven't worshipped a UFO or alien for years."

The highly managed conditions of the press conference prompted many magazines, including Puzzler and Knave, to boycott the event. Puzzler editor Jim Diesel explained: "We'll still cover the event, but if we're just going to be standing in the room like mongs, we may as well stay at home and watch it on the telly." Former Big Match Live presenter Elton Welsby also criticised the way Monty controlled the news conference. "He might as well have smeared his statement in shit on the clubhouse walls," he said.

Although Montgomerie's wife was not present at the press conference, his mother, Morag Montgomerie, did attend and spoke to reporters. "I am upset at the way the media and fans have treated him over the years, just because he's big and has got 'nan's hair'," Mrs Montgomerie said. "They have treated him like a criminal. He hasn't done anything illegal, he hasn't killed anyone. Apart from the time he did kill someone. But that was self-defence, it happened a long time ago, and he served his time for that."

Monty's statement came during the Povey's Oatcakes Trentham Open Championship. Povey's Oatcakes is among the companies that has ended its sponsorship of the Scot. Povey's Oatcakes spokesman Steve Armstrong did not think that the statement would be a distraction from the tournament.

Although Povey's Oatcakes have ended theis sponsorship of the golfer, other companies, such as Tunstall Assurance and Beswick's Pottery continue to sponsor him. Wright's Pies issued a statement saying that it would stop airing commercials featuring the golfer for a while, but not for too long because Montgomerie, as well as appearing in the company's adverts, is also their best customer and they don't want to annoy him too much.