Rubbish Film Round-Up: The Remakes

I've watched a lot of films lately. Almost all of them rubbish.

Rob Zombie's remakes (or "re-imaginings") of the Halloween films are especially bad. Dispensing with suspense in favour of brutal, savage stabbings never sounded like a good idea, and it isn't. And making the grown-up Michael Myers look like wrestler The Undertaker just adds to the general rubbishness of the films. Halloween 2, which Mr Zombie claimed would be "more realistic", makes no sense; Michael Myers was shot about 100 times at the end of the first film, but survives. And has shared visions with his sister Laurie Strode during the film. Realistic?



The original and the best

Despite having Michael Bay involved, the remake of Friday the 13th at least sticks to the spirit of the originals, i.e, idiots getting stabbed. Rob Zombie, take note. Interestingly, three women get topless in the film, all of them have breast implants.

The original Prom Night series wasn't that good, and the new version hasn't bucked the trend. Having an obviously rubbish killer, who kills the teenagers rather boringly with a little knife, adds upto a horribly mediocre watching experience.

The remake of The Fog has John Carpenter involved in producing the film, unlike Halloween, and at least makes a decent "stab" of updating the film, although it fails more than it succeeds. Starring the guy from Smallville, it makes the mistake of having rather unsympathetic characters you hope get killed, though only some of them do. Shame.