2015 Staycation

Today is the last day of my three week staycation. If I'm being honest, I've done very little during my break.

The highlight was perhaps seeing a John O'Shea lookalike standing outside of Argos. He was smoking an electronic cigarette. I don't think it was the real John O'Shea.

Other than that, I did a lot of sorting out, getting rid of stuff mainly, like clothes and my old PS3 disc games. I played on my new Xbox One quite a bit. Which was nice.

I went out for a meal and drinks with people from work. It was boring and the food was bad. I won't be doing it again. Though I'm getting made redundant soon so it's not something I really need to worry about.

I managed to watch one film on Netflix. Species III. It wasn't very good.

Overall then, not the most exciting holiday I've ever had. Prolly the worst. Oh yeah, I've been using the word prolly a lot lately instead of probably. That's something at least.

Anna Kendrick And Peter Shilton

I had a dream recently that I was at a pub with my Dad and actress Anna Kendrick. My Dad had started to wear a wig (in the dream, not in real life).

Anna and I questioned my Dad as to why he had started to wear a wig.

As we did, former England goalkeeper Peter Shilton popped over to our table to tell us that he had had a hair transplant at the age of 23 (in the dream, not in real life) and it had given him the confidence to be a world class goalkeeper. To be fair, he had fabulous hair for a 65 year-old, all dark and curly, like a young Tom Jones. He said my Dad should consider doing it too.

I don't really know what any of this means. Maybe my Dad should get a hair transplant? Or maybe I should start hanging out with Anna Kendrick?

The result of this is that I went on Netflix and watched Rapture-Palooza, starring my new bff Anna K.

Crazy Pete

Some people have a way of taking the magic out of things. Whether it's the way they describe them, moan about them or just reveal the secrets you didn't want or need to know, we've all known people like this.

Anyway, like all supercool people, I'm a big fan of French cinema and hold a special love for films starring Anna Karina, especially those by Jean-Luc Godard. One of those films is crime drama Pierrot le Fou, which Wikipedia helpfully translates into English as "Pierrot the madman" in case you weren't sure.

This isn't good enough for Australia though, where they've decided that the film should instead be called "Crazy Pete". I don't know who's responsible for this (distributors, studio etc), but really? Crazy Pete?

The Great White Hype

Director: Reginald Hudlin
Writers: Tony Hendra, Ron Shelton
Starring: Samuel L. Jackson, Jeff Goldblum

Released: 1996

Seeing this film at the cinema was one of the great cinematic experiences for me. Not because the film was that good, but that our gang were the only people in the room. The film was shown in the smallest screening room anyway (screen 10 – out of 10 – I think) but having only 5 people attend on opening weekend was still pretty lame.

It meant that we could mess about. Everyone immediately lay across about 4 seats. Food and various other items (including shoes) were thrown around. We climbed up at the back and could look into the projection room. It was quite small and there wasn't much in there. Not even a seat.

"Off the Ground" by Paul McCartney (released three years earlier) was playing on the stereo in there before the film started. I'd heard this album before (I got it out from Leek Library) and it wasn't very good. The title track was strong but the rest of the album was weak. We found that if you smacked the wall with your hand you could make the CD jump. Kind of added a hip hop edge to Macca's dad rock.

I don't really remember that much about the film and I've not seen it again since. I think Samuel L. Jackson was in it as a Don King-type character and that guy from that film (you know the one) was a white guy fighting a black champion boxer in a hyped up bout. I think he had beaten the champ when they were amateurs and the champ hadn't lost since, so fight fans were getting bored. Or something. The champ won in the end though.

Cinema staff popped in occasionally to keep an eye on us as the film was playing, but we had already gotten bored of messing about by the time the trailers started so there wasn't much for them to see, though we were all still lying across several seats at various locations around the room. Being mischievous is tiring.

I'd recommend only watching this film under similar circumstances.

Rating: ?

2013 Favourites

Film

This is an easy one as I've only seen one film from last year, 'Alan Partridge: Alpha Papa', which, fortunately, is as good as one might expect.

Games

2013 was a stellar year for games, the Wii U (woo hoo!) had its first full year and the PS4 (mild yay) and Xbone (boo!) were released. The stellar 'GTA V' ruled sales-wise, and though I haven't finished it yet, I would say it's a lot better than the disappointing 'GTA 4' and is a lot of fun. Another "AAA" title that was a lot of fun was 'Assassin's Creed IV'. At first, I thought it an improvement on 'ACIII', but I've since replayed 'ACIII' and I actually think that III is better than IV. The multiplayer on 'ACIV' is astoundingly good though, easily the best of the year for me. Talking multiplayer, that brings me to the very disappointing 'Call Of Duty: Ghosts', which had a piss poor single player campaign and quite a lame multiplayer, which ditched objective game modes in favour of pure killing, and improved the hit detection to the extent that as soon as you get hit you're dead (and vice versa). It plays into the hands of campers and is much the worse for it. 'Batman: Arkham Origins' was another fine (if more-of-the-same) entry to the series, and featured multiplayer for the first time, though that's quite hard to judge as it is virtually impossible to find a game when you go online. PS3 had 'The Last Of Us', which was very good, both in single player and multiplayer, though it's not quite the masterpiece some people make it out to be. Wii U had some of the best games of the year, the amazing 'Super Mario 3D World' being the best, featuring insanely brilliant and varied level design and probably the tightest controls of any game this year. 'Lego City Undercover' was another incredibly fun game, easily the best Lego game I've seen or played. Wii U also had the promising looking 'Wonderful 101' and reamkes of 'Legend Of Zelda:the Wind Waker' and 'Deau Ex: Human Revolution', though I haven't got around to playing them yet. The best game of the year though was unquestionably 'Animal Crossing: New Leaf' on 3DS. I've already put in over 200 hours playtime into the game and will undoubtedly put in lots more. The 3DS had a stellar year though I didn't get around to too many of the other great-looking games ('Fire Emblem: Awakening', 'Pokemon X and Y', 'Luigi's Mansion 2', 'Lego City Undercover: The Chase Begins', 'Donkey Kong Country Returns 3D', 'The Legend of Zelda: A Link Between Worlds' to name but a few!) as I spent so much time as mayor in my town (called Hyrule) in 'Animal Crossing'.

Music

My favourite album of 2013 was "The Stand-In" by Caitlin Rose, a rockier effort than her brilliant debut album, not that that's necessarily a bad thing. I also liked the latest Neko Case album (which goes without saying), the title of which is too long to type. The album I listened to the most last year was probably "True Romance" by Charli XCX, which still gets heavy rotation on my stereo, and is really very good. Laura Marling's fourth album "Once I was An Eagle" was another stellar effort and "Silence Yourself", the debut by Savages, was fantastic too. Of the hyped albums of the year, I enjoyed Haim's debut "Days Are Gone" quite a bit and Lorde's "Pure Heroine" too.

Podcasts

Greg Proops's "The Smartest Man In The World" is probably my favourite of 2013, a kind of improvised stand-up show full of anecdotes, rants, politics. Richard Herring produced some good work again this year, with a show from the Edinburgh Fringe featuring chats with other performers as well as some stand-up, and another from the Leicester Square Theatre, which is another chat-based show with (mainly) comedians. Also providing a conversation based podcast (I didn't want to use the words chat or talk again there) was Jeff Garlin, whose show "By The Way, In Conversation With Jeff Garlin" featured interviews with some of his friends and favourite performers. It doesn't always hit the mark, and it can get a bit awkward when he sucks up to the guests (though to be fair Jeff does address this and is unrepentant), but is very interesting nonetheless and he gets some big name guests and people you don't get long interviews with too often, such as Larry David. "The Bugle", with Andy Zaltzman and John Oliver, continued to be excellent into its fifth year as did Kevin Smith and his army of podcasts (in their seventh year!), of which "Hollywood Babble-On", a fairly bitchy review of the week in entertainment with Ralph Garman, is probably my favourite. Just lately I've got into "Call Chelsea Peretti", featuring the aforementioned Chelsea Peretti (I love saying that name), a comic and writer (on shows like "Parks and Recreation" and "The Sarah Silverman Program"). The podcast is kind of weird and surreal and features Chelsea taking calls from listeners and rambling on about various other surreal things. It might well be the most brilliant thing ever, I'm not really sure yet.

Radio
The ever excellent 'Sound Opinions' continued in fine form last year as ever, as did BBC 5live's 'Fighting Talk', though the show has taken a downturn since host Colin Murray left in the summer to be replaced by a revolving panel of hosts (when will the BBC learn thi is never a good idea?). Also on 5live is 'Daily Bacon', the channel's entertainment and interviews show, which relies on good guests and generally has someone of interest on the show, fortunately. As ever though, my favourite radio show is 'Hawksbee and Jacobs' on talkSPORT, a humorous weekdaily take on the world of sport (is weekdaily a word?) which is always excellent. And funny.

TV
Got to be honest, I didn't watch much TV in 2013, though I did see some good stuff. 'The Americans', strangely shown on primetime ITV, was a very enjoyable (American) cold war thriller, and showed where 'Homeland' went wrong when it started to focus on the Brody-Mathison romance and less on imminent terrorist threat. 'Arrested Development' was the main reason I started subscribing to Netflix last summer and was very good, if a little inconsistent (the shows needed a little editing I think), but Netflix was where I found the best show of the year, animated comedy 'Archer', an American parody of espionage movies (James Bond in particular), which focuses as much on office politics as it does on real politics and is much the better for it. I've only seen Season 1 of 'Breaking Bad' and up to Season 3 of 'Eastbound & Down' or I'm sure they would have joined the list too.

Shirts vs Skins

When I use the bus, I like to imagine some of the other passengers are celebrities. Which celebrities they are is based loosely on who they look like. Today, for example, a larger woman with a sour face and short blonde hair became Pat Butcher. The woman sitting next to her was Bette Midler. The bus was mainly full of old women this morning. We were going to be guests on Paul O'Grady's show.

Sometimes we are go to a glamorous movie premiere, sometimes we just go over to Clooney's house to hang out. Lou Diamond Phillips (my nickname for him is "the Diamond") has us round to shoot some hoops (always shirts vs skins). Judge Reinhold hosts awesome pool parties. Jeremy Irons is a whizz at charades. I won't say what happens when we go to Charlie Sheen's place.

Let's Play In Our Pants!

On the subject of impromptu games of football, I remember one game in particular. It was the summer of 1999, and some friends (who I shall call John, Paul, George, Ringo, Pete and Yoko) and I had got tickets to see 'Star Wars Episode I: The Phantom Menace' for a Sunday evening showing.

We had decided to make a day of it. We went to Yoko's house for an afternoon barbecue. I clearly remember dropping two plates in the kitchen and breaking them. Good times.

Being big Star Wars fans, we were pretty pumped up for the new film. Pete had got a football out and started to do some tricks. Did we have time for a game? Yes, we did. However, we were dressed up somewhere between formal and casual, we didn't want to get grass stains on our clothes. Let's play in our pants! Yes, that makes perfect sense.

I don't remember whose idea it was to play in just our pants (it wasn't mine), but we did so anyway. After a while, you get used to it anyway, and it seems like the most normal thing in the world. Which of course, it is. A good time was had by all, but we were all sweaty now with muddy feet. Time for showers.

Even though it was Yoko's house, and he had two showers, he was the last one in. I remember him being fairly pissed off about this.

We got to the cinema and watched the film. It sucked and it destroyed our childhood. Still, the day has some good memories at least.

Saturday Morning Film Club News

As founder, president and treasurer (amongst other honorary and hereditary titles) of the Saturday Morning Film Club, I am pleased to announce the acquisition of a Blu-Ray player.

The player was broken in with an out-of-season showing of 'This Is Spinal Tap' (on Wednesday night) to put it through its paces.

This was not classed as an official Film Club event as it was a private screening for board members only. And not on a Saturday morning.

As the film club does not own any Blu-Ray movie discs, films will continue to be screened from DVDs, though they will now be upscaled using the Blu-Ray player's inbuilt technology. I don't know how it works but it does.

The Receipt Of Happiness

Looking through receipts makes me unashamedly nostalgic. It makes me think things like: remember the time I bought the Haim album (on day of release) and Season One of 'Girls' at the same time? Good times. Or even: remember how excited I was when I got the newly remastered 1962-1966 and 1967-1970 Beatles compilations (they sound slightly sharper than the previous CDs I had that cost a fraction of the price). Admittedly, most of the receipts I keep are from HMV so this is the kind of nostalgia I get. The receipts are generally chucked in the top drawer in the chest of drawers north-north-west in my room (you know the one) and get sorted through about once every six months, so I get a lot of this in a short space of time.

Occasionally, the memories are bad: like the time I bought the two disc special edition of the film 'Rust And Bone' and opened it (some months later – after the receipt would have expired) to find only one disc there (the bonus disc was nowhere to be found). I am still bitter about this. I could be positive and say at least I can still watch the film as I got the main disc. But no, I'm naturally negative and I really wanted to see those bonus features such as the exclusive BAFTA Q&A with Marion Cotillard, and to see if the director's comments are conducted in French with subtitles, over clips of the already subtitled film. I guess I'll never know now.

Saturday Morning Film Club

I started my own film club that meets on Saturday mornings. I'm the only member so far and new members are not really welcome, though exceptions my be made for pretty women if the membership agrees to it.

The club convenes at around 10:15. This is because I get up at 10:00 then need time to use the bathroom, feed the dog, make a cup of tea then check out the football transfer gossip on BBC teletext before the showing can commence.

The first film shown at the club was 'Prometheus', a few months ago. The showing was such a success, with 100% attendance from members, that it lead to the formation of the club we all know and love today. There was a slight intermission about 75 minutes into 'Prometheus' for refreshments but that didn't ruin anyone's enjoyment of the film.

Subsequent films have included works of high art such as 'Footloose' (the original version), 'The Cabin In The Woods' and 'A Scanner Darkly'. 'House At The End Of The Street' and 'The Hunger Games' were shown on successive weeks during what's now become known as "Jennifer Lawrence Season".

The films are selected mainly by what's in the big pile of unwatched DVDs I have on top of the bookcase in the north-west of my bedroom. You know the one.

Today's film is 'The Runaways', which I'm watching right now. It's half decent. Next week's film has yet to be decided, though a brief count lists about 18 possible choices.

St. Elmo's Fire

Director: Joel Schumacher

Writers: Joel Schumacher, Carl Kurlander

Starring: Emilio Estevez, Rob Lowe, Ally Sheedy, Andrew McCarthy

Released: 1985

The Brat Pack grow up! About a group of friends trying to adjust to life after university, this film guides us through the trials, tribulations, hook-ups, break-ups and general fuck-ups of the friends.

If my description makes this sound like an interesting film, then I apologise, because this is truly fucking awful. I never cared for any of the 80s Brat Pack films anyway, but this might well be one of the worst of them, which is really saying something.

I don't know where to begin on describing all the shit things about this film, but I'll give it a go. The characters are all whiny, selfish bitches; each one is like a two dimensional cardboard cut-out of a different type of person, from the selfish yuppie to the virginal, caring, homely, blonde woman. I can't for one minute believe that these people would be friends with one another. Almost all the actors in this film are terrible, especially Emilio Estevez as the weird stalker-type(!) and Demi Moore as a coked-up yuppie(!) with a step-mother fixation(!); only Andrew McCarthy and Ally Sheedy aren't instantly stabbable.

The film is also really badly made, it looks like a cheap shit TV movie, the kind that you watch and think, "I could make a better looking film by drawing pictures on my cock and shaking it about and filming it." Seriously, bad episodes of Murder, She Wrote look better than this. The music made me want to punch myself in the ears, particularly the seemingly hundreds of scenes featuring Rob Lowe playing the saxophone, which no-one needs to see or hear, especially with the offensive mullet he's sporting.

I could go on, but I don't want to kill myself. At least not until I get to play on the forthcoming WiiU. The only value in watching this film is to turn the sound down and look at how shit the haircuts and clothes are. Even then you would still hate it and yourself and will want to invent a time machine and go back to the 1980s and kill a load of people with big guns. Joel Schumacher might well be the worst film director ever and I hope bad things happen to him.

Rating: 0.5/5

The Fifth Element

Director: Luc Besson

Writers: Luc Besson, Robert Mark Kamen

Starring: Bruce Willis, Milla Jovovich, Ian Holm, Gary Oldman

Released: 1997

In this film, there's some aliens, some stones, a perfect person, some more aliens... I could describe the film properly but it would make my brain bleed. Essentially, some evil wants to destroy Earth, a "perfect" being is saved by Bruce Willis and a priest, and they must work together to stop the evil.

I can remember when this film came out; word got around amongst people I knew that this was going to be the best sci-fi film ever because it took the best elements from Star Wars, Blade Runner, etc, and was going to be all put together to be totally awesome!

Sadly, this is far from the actual truth. This is actually a phenomenally terrible film. The (pointless) rip-offs are endless, and go way beyond the idea of being homages, especially from Star Wars, from Ian Holm's character being dressed like Obi Wan Kenobi to the design of the spaceships. The dialogue is consistently terrible, most of the characters are deeply annoying (especially those played by Gary Oldman and Chris Tucker), the story is stupid and messy, the music is shit and the humour is crass and unfunny. The whole film is structured and acted like a farce, but not a very good one.

The only saving grace of this film is that, when it's not shamelessly ripping off other (and better) films, it is actually quite impressive visually. The set design and special effects are largely excellent and inventive; it's actually quite strange to see such a bright sci-fi film, with a colour scheme being full of white, orange and light blues.

This film could best be described as being elegant trash, which might seem fun, but sadly isn't in this case. It's terrible.

Rating: 1/5

Casino

Director: Martin Scorsese

Writers: Nicholas Pileggi, Martin Scorsese

Starring: Robert De Niro, Sharon Stone, Joe Pesci

Released: 1995

Martin Scorsese, he knows how to make gangster films, right? He's done this, Goodfellas, erm, Gangs of New York, erm, The Departed... OK, maybe he's not done as many as I thought.

Set in Las Vegas in the 1970s and 80s, the film tells the story of Sam Rothstein (De Niro), who runs a casino (the clue's in the film's title), mob enforcer Nicky Santoro (Joe Pesci) and Rothstein's wife Ginger (Sharon Stone).

Rothstein runs the said casino successfully, but things start to go wrong when his mob bosses send Santoro as his protection; Santoro quickly spirals out-of-control, creating a multitude of problems for Rothstein, especially when he decides to start his own crew and committing robberies and killing off rivals.

At the same time, Rothstein falls for Ginger, a hustler under the spell of a former boyfriend (James Woods). Despite marrying and having a daughter, Ginger is never committed to Rothstein and turns to drink and drugs.

I have a lot of problems with this film. Firstly, the entire film seems to be told in flashback (for no obvious reason), with constant voice-overs from De Niro and Pesci. These get especially annoying when introducing seemingly every single character in much the way that happens in terrible Guy Ritchie films ("Pistol Pete was a stand-up guy who's just done a six-point for hitting a judge with a purple dildo" etc). The constant voice-overs tell the entire story, leaving a lot of scenes redundant. Maybe my view of this has been warped by years of terrible cockney gangster films that have used this trick to death, but it doesn't make it any less bad that it was done here before films that were influenced by it.

Rating: 1/5

The Man Who Knew Too Much

Director: Alfred Hitchcock

Writer: John Michael Hayes

Starring: James Stewart, Doris Day

Released: 1956

A remake of one of Hitchcock's own earlier British films, The Man Who Knew Too Much features an American family, the McKennas, who start the film on holiday in Morocco.

The family befriends a mysterious Frenchman, Louis Bernard, who later dies in Dr McKenna's (Stewart) arms, but not before whispering a message about a murder plot in London to him. The family are then plunged into a nightmare situation they don't really understand when a British couple staying at their hotel kidnaps the family's son, Hank.

With little help from the authorities, Dr and Mrs McKenna (Day) go to London to try and find their son themselves. There, they get caught up in a plot to kill a visiting Prime Minister by the people who took their son.

This film was made by Hitchcock as a contractual obligation, and it shows at times. The film seems unfocused and crawls along at a slow pace, and the standard of acting in the film (Stewart aside) is not the best. The plot is quite thin (especially for a film that lasts for 2 hours), and is not packed with the usual twists and thrills that you would expect from a Hitchcock film. The (pre-)finale involving the conclusion of the murder plot at the Royal Albert Hall (actually filmed in LA) is the highlight of the film, but is then spoiled by a mediocre second finale at an embassy where the McKennas go to get their son back.

Overall, this is one of Hitchcock's worst films. Despite the efforts of James Stewart, it is badly acted by almost everybody in the film, badly plotted (the whole film seems to involve an improbable series of good/bad coincidences, depending on how you look at them), and is actually quite boring. This is barely worth watching unless you're a Hitchcock or Stewart fanatic.

Rating: 2/5

Go

Director: Doug Liman

Writer: John August

Starring: Sarah Polley, Katie Holmes, Desmond Askew

Released: 1999

In the wake of Pulp Fiction, it seemed like a whole bunch of low budget/indie films were made containing several intertwining stories, shown out of chronological order. Fortunately, Go is one of the better ones.

The film centres on three supermarket workers, Ronna (Sarah Polley), Claire (Katie Holmes) and Simon (Desmond Askew). Simon is a small time drug dealer who goes on a trip to Las Vegas; in his absence, Ronna sees a chance to make some money by selling ecstasy to two actors (who, unbeknownst to her, are being forced to buy drugs as part of a police sting). Needless to say, Simon's trip to Vegas doesn't go to plan, nor does Ronna's plan to make some quick money.

Shown in four parts, the first three parts showing the story from a different character's point of view, then a final fourth part bringing all the stories together, Go is a fast, slick and funny thriller, which only occasionally gets too silly or unrealistic (see the paragrah below). Sarah Polley is excellent as the cashier desperate to make some money to pay her overdue rent, as is William Fichtner as the strange policeman forcing the two gay actors to take part in his sting operation to be let off their own drug possession charges. Timothy Olyphant is also good in a role as the drug supplier who Ronna buys her drugs from.

The weak part of the film is the story of Simon's trip to Las Vegas with some friends; it's the least interesting and funny part of the film, and leads to an unlikely conclusion involving gangsters(!). It's sillier and consequently out-of-step with the other parts of the film, and could have been left out in my opinion.

Overall, this is a fun movie. The cast is largely very good (except in the Las Vegas section), and is much better than most other Tarantino/Pulp Fiction clones.

Rating: 3/5

Black Hawk Down

Director: Ridley Scott

Writer: Ken Nolan

Starring: Josh Hartnett, Eric Bana, Ron Eldard

Released: 2001

Black Hawk Down tells the story of an American operation to capture a Somali warlord who has declared war on UN personnel in Mogadishu. During the operation, the titular helicopter is shot down, and in the resulting chaos, and actions by the Somali militia, the various groups of soldiers are separated and must fight for their lives until help can arrive.

This film is a visual masterpiece, never has a war film been this brutal or intense. Featuring a stellar cast (Ewan McGregor, Jason Isaacs, Tom Hardy, William Fichtner and Sam Shephard - to name but a few of the actors here with lesser roles), and non-stop action after the first 30 minutes (the set-up for the operation), this is probably as close to the real thing as Hollywood has ever done.

On the downside, the film is much too long at almost 150 minutes. It's also very repetitive, featuring almost constant shoot-outs between American soldiers and Somalis on rooftops. Also, one of the more intersting parts of the film, the capture of Ron Eldard's character by the Somalis, is not followed at all (save for a brief mention at the end of the film). Josh Hartnett is also very weak as the leading character in the film, especially considering some of the acting talent elsewhere in the film. There is also no characterisation of any of the Somali characters; they are only here to shoot guns and get killed.

This is a very flawed film, but I think that any film fan should watch this at least once purely for the sheer visceral thrill of the relentless battle scenes. Ridley Scott's direction of these scenes is immense, as are the scenes themselves. Watching literally hundreds/thousands of people at war on the streets is something that you won't have seen before, at least not in as epic, realistic or amazing a way as is done here. This is one of Ridley Scott's greatest achievements as a director, if not one of his greatest films.

Rating: 3/5

Matchstick Men

Director: Ridley Scott

Writers: Nicholas Griffin, Ted Griffin

Starring: Nicolas Cage, Sam Rockwell, Alison Lohman

Released: 2003

One of Ridley Scott's lesser-known films, Matchstick Men seemingly came and went when it was released and has since gone onto become a staple of late night TV (in the UK on ITV1, at least).

Telling the story of con artist Roy (Cage), whose (OCD) life is thrown into chaos by the arrival of a teenage daughter (Angela, played by Alison Lohman) he didn't know he had, just as he and partner Frank (Rockwell) are about to pull off a big scam.

Finding out about her father's work, Angela willingly wants to get involved in his scams, much to his distress. Realising he has little choice, he gets her involved, but decides this potentially big job will be his last. However, as this is a film about con artists, all is not as it seems...

Cage is in virtually ever scene of this movie, and this is one of his better performances. He does however go a bit over the top at times, especially in the scenes where he has to show the character's OCD obsession with cleaning and medication, a little bit out of step with the quietly neurotic character that he is meant to be. Lohman and Rockwell play their roles well and are a good counter-balance when Cage does forget which film he is in.

The twist at the end is fairly obvious, but fits the film well, rather than seeming tacked-on for the sake of having a twist in the first place. Overall, this is a fairly entertaining and understated movie, well worth a watch on late night TV.

Rating: 3/5

Mining For Lava (Or: Dodgy Health And Safety Inspections)

On the subject of Star Wars, 'Episode III: Revenge of the Sith' to be precise, the film's climactic battle takes place on some sort of lava planet. Now, I don't have a problem with there being a lava planet, what I don't understand is why there appears to be mining taking place there. More specifically, mining for lava. Or how such a place could possibly pass any health and safety inspections.

What possible purpose can lava have? Taken away it will cool into rocks. Also, if robots/metal can be created that can withstand lava, then why can't robots be created that can withstand shots from laser guns or hits from lightsabers? If I was cynical I would suggest that George Lucas just wanted somewhere dramatic for the fight between Obi-Wan Kenobi and that Darth Vader kid who can't act, I forget his name, to take place and didn't put that much thought into it. However, I am not cynical and wouldn't dare suggest such a thing.

Star Wars

Hmm, so now that Disney own the rights to the Star Wars films, there's gonna be a bunch more of them. So join me now as I look back at the six (!) films in the saga so far... JOIN ME!

Not currently available

Episode I: The Phantom Menace (1999)

It's back! Well, it was. Rather underwhelming, compared to the "original" three films, Star Wars came back with bad child acting, possible racism (Jar Jar Binks) and special effects that now look a little lame. The highlights are the Ben-Hur-style podrace and the face-off between Darth Maul, Obi-Wan Kenobi and Qui-Gon. Not great, but still, it could have been worse...

Rating: 2/5

Episode II: Attack of the Clones (2002)

And by "it could have been worse", I mean it could have been as bad as this. Easily the worst of the series, and starring the terrible Hayden Christensen, the film plods along with little to get excited about until we finally get to see Yoda in action; even that doesn't last for too long as Christopher Lee scarpers during the fight.

Rating: 1/5

Episode III: Revenge of the Sith (2005)

The darkest, and best, of the newer films finally sees Anakin become Darth Vader, though it isn't that interesting a journey thanks to Hayden Christensen's continued wooden acting. It gets the job done as preparation for the proper films to come, at least...

Rating: 2.5/5

Episode IV: A New Hope (1977)

Farm hand Luke Skywalker starts a torrid affair with a young, innocent stable wench... no, wait, wrong film. You've all seen this, you know how good it is.

Rating: 4.5/5

Episode V: The Empire Strikes Back (1980)

Boom! The best of the series, improving on the original, both darker and more epic, and with a better theme tune, this is where shit gets real. And we finally get to see a non-white human in the Star Wars universe.

Rating: 5/5

Episode VI: Return of the Jedi (1983)

Bad pacing and some silly stuff (*cough* Ewoks *cough*) marr an otherwise fine end to the original trilogy as the good guys finally win. Though I don't buy that Anakin/Darth Vader would be so welcomed back so warmly by the spirits of Obi-Wan and Yoda at the end after all the killing and destruction he's done.

Rating: 3.5/5

The Fugitive

Director: Andrew Davis

Writers: Jeb Stuart, David Twohy

Starring: Harrison Ford, Tommy Lee Jones, Jeroen Krabbe, Joe Pantoliano

Released: 1993

In case you don't know, The Fugitive was a phenomenally successful action remake of the 1960s TV show of the same name, about a doctor (Dr Kimble, played by Harrison Ford) wrongly convicted of murdering his wife. Escaping from custody when the bus transporting him (and other convicts) to death row crashes following an escape attempt by his fellow prisoners, he goes on the run, determined to find the "one-armed man" who killed his wife.

A group of US Marshals, lead by Deputy Gerard (Tommy Lee Jones), show up and begin the hunt for Dr Kimble, and almost corner him on a couple of occasions; however, Dr Kimble always finds a way to escape and continue his hunt for his wife's killer.

Using fake ID, Dr Kimble is able to get into his former hospital posing as a janitor and is able to get a list of suspects from the prosthetics department. Chasing down the leads, as he is himself chased by the US Marshals, Dr Kimble gets closer to his wife's killer and uncovering the conspiracy behind her murder...

This is a very well made action thriller. Favouring mainly tense chase or hide-and-seek scenes rather than big action set pieces (i.e. car chases, shoot-outs), and with an engaging storyline, the film stands out in its field as an example of how to make a good big budget action movie that isn't just mindless CGI violence (Michael Bay take note). Filled with several memorable scenes (Harrison Ford escaping the bus as a train approaches, jumping into a dam, and others) that have since been lovingly parodied on many occasions (especially on The Simpsons), and with good lead performances from Harrison Ford and Tommy Lee Jones, this is a very entertaining film that will keep you gripped until the end.

That's not to say that the film is not without flaws; the ending, when Harrison Ford confronts the man behind his wife's killer, turns into a pointless and overlong fight, designed I think just to add some more action to the film, but adds nothing. Furthermore, it isn't too great a surprise when you find out who the man responsible is. Also, the ending adds a conspiracy to the murder which seems a bit tacked on and overblown, given that it isn't alluded to at all in the fim before then.

Despite these gripes, this is a good film with a good cast, including Joe Pantoliano (in a terrible wig) and a young Julianne Moore in supporting roles. Definitely worth watching, if you're one of the few people who've never seen it.

Random fact: after watching this film at the cinema back in 1993, one of my friends went out and bought the novelisation. I don't know if he ever read it.

Rating: 3.5/5