Writers: Joel Schumacher, Carl Kurlander
Starring: Emilio Estevez, Rob Lowe, Ally Sheedy, Andrew McCarthy
Released: 1985
The Brat Pack grow up! About a group of friends trying to adjust to life after university, this film guides us through the trials, tribulations, hook-ups, break-ups and general fuck-ups of the friends.
If my description makes this sound like an interesting film, then I apologise, because this is truly fucking awful. I never cared for any of the 80s Brat Pack films anyway, but this might well be one of the worst of them, which is really saying something.
I don't know where to begin on describing all the shit things about this film, but I'll give it a go. The characters are all whiny, selfish bitches; each one is like a two dimensional cardboard cut-out of a different type of person, from the selfish yuppie to the virginal, caring, homely, blonde woman. I can't for one minute believe that these people would be friends with one another. Almost all the actors in this film are terrible, especially Emilio Estevez as the weird stalker-type(!) and Demi Moore as a coked-up yuppie(!) with a step-mother fixation(!); only Andrew McCarthy and Ally Sheedy aren't instantly stabbable.
The film is also really badly made, it looks like a cheap shit TV movie, the kind that you watch and think, "I could make a better looking film by drawing pictures on my cock and shaking it about and filming it." Seriously, bad episodes of Murder, She Wrote look better than this. The music made me want to punch myself in the ears, particularly the seemingly hundreds of scenes featuring Rob Lowe playing the saxophone, which no-one needs to see or hear, especially with the offensive mullet he's sporting.
I could go on, but I don't want to kill myself. At least not until I get to play on the forthcoming WiiU. The only value in watching this film is to turn the sound down and look at how shit the haircuts and clothes are. Even then you would still hate it and yourself and will want to invent a time machine and go back to the 1980s and kill a load of people with big guns. Joel Schumacher might well be the worst film director ever and I hope bad things happen to him.
Rating: 0.5/5
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