Sherlock

Watching the excellent 'Sherlock' on BBC One recently reminds me of the time I was 'talk of the town' for solving a murder.

I was doing work experience with Staffordshire Police in 199X and they let me go to murder scenes, mainly to make sure there was a plentiful supply of coffee and muffins. After this particular murder, the Police Officers let me go into the drawing room (in the castle where the murder had taken place) where all the suspects were gathered.

"Why don't you have this one," Detective Shanks said to me, patting me on the back. I quickly seized up the supects. Could it be the jealous wife? The mistress? The mistress's husband? The camp butler? I remebered the old saying that "it's always the one you least suspect"...

"The vicar did it," I said, turning and pointing to Reverend Jones, who was standing behind me playing table tennis with a young boy.

"That's ridiculous!" the vicar replied, looking around the drawing room, seeking support. A look of sadness then befell his face. "OK, fair cop guv, you got me..." he said. A look of defiance flashed upon his face. "And I'd do it again if I had to!" he said, shaking his fist in anger.

"Well done, dude," Detective Shanks said to me. Everyone crowded around to congratulate me, hugging me, giving me high-fives. At that moment, I was literally 'the man'. But as this was happening, the vicar climbed through an open window and escaped.

"You'll never take me alive, coppers!" the vicar shouted to us as he sped away on a scooter.

And the vicar was right, the Police never did take him alive. He crashed head on into a hovercraft just minutes later, his pitiful life ended. It took some of the shine off my glory, as far as I was concerned, but made it more exciting for everyone else. It was at that moment I decided solving murders wasn't for me; I would take French at A-Level instead.