You're a married woman. You do your housework like a good woman should, you visit church like a good christian, and you laid down on your back and opened your legs when you're husband told you to.
The result of this is that you've been paid a visit by the baby fairy. (Not literally.) Our step-by-step guide will make the following nine months be pleasant for your husband, and won't distract him from going to the bar, watching sport on TV or have an affair with his secretary.
* You're married. raising children is your responsibility, not your husband's.
* Make sure your husband isn't a commie. (See our guidance in "SO... YOU THINK YOU KNOW A COMMIE".) If he is, then your child will be also. Visit a government representative who will help you.
* Congratulate your husband on his efficient sperm.
* Switch to Borrow's Pregnancy Cigarettes - they contain more tar and nicotine so that both you and your child won't miss out on some smokey goodness.
* You're eating for two now, so eat twice as much as normal.
* Take it easy at home. Spend longer doing housework so that you can do it more carefully.
* Go to antenatal classes so that your your husband can sleep safely assured that you know about giving birth.
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This is public information.
Sponsored by Borrow's Cigarettes.
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