Welcome To Leek

Yeah, I live in a town called Leek. What's that, you've never heard of it? OK, I guess I'll have to tell you about it.



Located in the Staffordshire Moorlands in England's "Midlands", Leek is a small town of little diversity or culture. There is one book shop. There used to be a Woolworth's in Leek but it closed down, and there is an area called Trafalgar Square, which is actually more of a triangle, each side being around 10 centimetres in length. Although a town, Leek is actually an allegory about the disintegration of the British Empire.



A typical house in Leek


Conventional religion has been frowned upon in Leek for quite some time and our residents worship the corn. This was introduced many years ago although no-one can remember why.

When entering Leek, there are many local traditions that should observed. There must be no mention of the outside world. No-one who lives in Leek can ever escape so it's pointless getting the locals excited with exotic tales of "Olde London Town", "Paris" or "Stoke-on-Trent". Also, top hats must never be worn!

There are countless things to do in Leek. You could go to a pub. You could play pool or darts. In a pub. You could do some karaoke. In a pub. Alternatively, if you want do do something different, you could go out for a pub meal. Fighting is an optional extra at all pubs in Leek.

So why not pay us a visit? You have quite literally got nothing to lose! Apart from your temper. And sense of rhythm.